you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize