life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
