Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
