Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
