youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You made out with two different species that night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
