Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
