girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
