Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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