Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
