I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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