I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
