i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
