he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
