...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
