i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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