the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
