dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
