i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
