Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
