dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
