Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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