i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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