high people should be assigned attendants
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
