i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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