first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
