Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
