You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
