so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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