i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
