I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
