So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
