Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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