Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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