what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
