I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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