They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
