Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
