six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
