Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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