it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
