Pregnant stripper...not hot.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
