So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
