We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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