Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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