i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
