apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
