who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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