Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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