SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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