tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
