I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
