Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ate ashes out of my bong
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
