u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
