my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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