Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
