I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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